Violent Video Games made me a Lunatic... I Guess.

Video games get a bad rap because some people believe that they promote antisocial behaviour. I’m not antisocial. Look, I’m typing this for you right now. Do you want my perspective? Of course you do. Blaming people being morons on videogames is like blaming geese for playing silly buggers around the oil pipes in the Gulf of Mexico. Did watching 80s cartoon Mask make you want to put on a helmet and pilot a car that is also a plane? Actually, that may be a bad example because I have never wanted anything more!

A.K.A What Bigmrjosh saw himself doing as a job, circa age 8. (There's still time.)

I’ve never really played much Grand Theft Auto because I tried it once and it was hard. My friend told me you can hit someone in the face with a shovel, but only if they’re a hooker. I don’t have any desire to do this, but even if I did I don’t own a spade. Or some hookers. If I was in a hooker spading mood, I would probably fire up the Playstation and spade some hookers on there. I would do that instead of giving it a shot in real life for two reasons. Firstly, I am not a moron. And secondly, I am far too pretty for prison.

“Yo lady, you got a spade?”

Role playing games take this stuff to a whole ‘nother level. For example, RPG logic dictates that whenever anyone leaves something inside a shiny chest they mean for you to have it. And that doesn’t matter if you are on a mission from God or the village goat boy. It’s first in, first served. I have pinched enough stuff playing RPGs to open up an antiques store, but that doesn’t mean when I come to your house you need to count the cutlery afterward.

Another thing that you should only do in video games: Chicken abuse. Besides, anyone who has played Zelda: Link to the Past will know there are some pretty goddamn serious consequences for this act.

Video games are without a doubt inspirational. Some guy was inspired to propose to his girlfriend through hacking Chrono Trigger. I think that’s a good thing (but I haven’t seen his girlfriend). Mostly they inspire me to stay indoors but, hey, that keeps me out of trouble! I can't understand how some dude can play Modern Warfare 2, then decide he wants to replicate it in the real world. That takes actual effort.

I think it's more likely that some people are just predisposed to putting on a leather jacket and shooting up a lunch room, and they would probably do that whether you gave them a turn on the PS3, a copy of Mein Kampf or blindfolded them, spun them around 16 times and put an M16 in their hands. The people who are calling this the fault of video games are probably the same ones who called those guys ‘fag’ every day of their high school career.

There. Now that we've dealt with that, shall we discuss whether video games are art...?