The Problem with Music Videos...

Back to music this time.
So I love music. No doubts there. But they don’t make it easy, do they?
I find it hard to watch music videos nowadays, because of two things that wind me up immensely. I think you’ll agree that both are an equally dangerous blight on the music industry. I have included links to all the videos so you can be similarly outraged, if that is your thing.

#1 – The Product Placement
Is it not enough that we have to contend with ad breaks every 8 minutes on TV? Now we have products shoved in our faces during music videos.
Instead of ‘Say (All I Need)’, I’m surprised OneRepublic didn’t name their single ‘LaCoste provide footwear for our whole band. Thanks, LaCoste!’ Who knew shoes were so essential for rocking!(Check the video at 1:34, 2:08, 2:43, 3:07, 3:14)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pye5Uh6XqZc

Katy Perry’s new song goes one better – she not so surreptitiously endorses two products in her latest video ‘Hot N Cold’. (Diesel sunnies at 1:49, 1:57, and a Nokia phone at 2:54, 2:56-58, 3:03-3:06)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-LhyAVzDBI

These are not bad songs. Is it really necessary to plug luxury items to make enough money to be a super-famous music star? These are not bad videos. But every time I see them I cringe at what is just blatant product placement. I’m a little embarrassed for these artists, you know? It’s like watching Big Bird tell you that “today’s show was brought to you by the letters B, I, and new Coke Zero! Same Coke flavour, no sugar!” It just isn’t right. The video should showcase these bands’ talent, not their marketing savvy.
Of course there’s no such thing as bad publicity, apparently. The mere fact that I’ve devoted about an hour of my life to writing this probably goes some way to proving that point. Oh dear, it’s probably time to move onto…

#2 – The Pussycat Dolls
Did you know if you take a lump of clay, form it into basic woman shapes and then ask Satan enough times, he will make you some Pussycat Dolls of your very own?
They’re like the punch line to a bad joke. “Hey, Bill, you’ll love this one. How many models does it take to sing a pretty average pop song?”
“Well, Ted, shouldn’t it take just one? Maybe two if they wanna do some harmonies or something. No more than three, surely.”
“Then what the hell are five sixths of the Pussycat Dolls for?”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You kill me, Ted.”
‘I Hate this Part’, their latest effort, has skyrocketed them to new levels of ridiculousness, as Nicole, the ‘band’s’ lead singer and possibly the only one who knows how to string a melody together, harmonises with herself. Five women in the video, but only one sings. She even has to play the piano at the same time. If I was her, I’d be pissed. And if the music industry is in as dire trouble as we are led to believe, then stop paying the four useless ones!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rN4f0J6oQA

As you know, every Pussycat Dolls video in their short history of mediocrity ends with them stripping off at least one layer of clothing. This video ends with an unexpected downpour of rain that soaks their remaining skimpy outfits. This is the visual equivalent of the one semitone key change in every Westlife song ever. You hope it won’t happen this time, but you’re really not surprised when it does. “Oh, now they’re wet,” you say. “Yawn.” It’s so completely expected that you can’t help but sigh when they meet your basement-level expectations.

We are on the brink of disaster here, people. Sooner or later the Pussycat Dolls will start endorsing their special brand of hooker-wear in their music videos. And that will be the end of the music industry as we know it. Nature abhors a vacuum, and it doesn’t get much more vacuous than that.