"Give me most of your money, Tamaki style!"
Actually it’s probably just as well Bryan Lee O’Malley thought of it before I did, because I suck as an artist and I would never have been able to make it cool like he has. Seriously, they’re wicked good comics. But I digress.
The gym is a perfect place to test what passes for a sensible belief system in my world. Today I did a fitness test. (If you want to know how diabolically I performed on my last fitness test, you have only to look at my last Gym Bunny post.) It’s a simple test: ride a stationary bike for 10 minutes at between 60-65rpm. The bike monitors your heart rate, among other things, and prints this information at 30-second intervals.
The gym instructor takes this little printout, slaughters a goat, puts the printout and the goat’s entrails into this big cauldron and from the resulting mixture scries your fitness level.
The score can range from 1-5.
5 means you are fit. You are like the Jesus Christ of fitness if you are a 5; like a Chinese acrobat, sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber and taking for sustenance only the honourably nourishing wishes of your nation.
1 means you are me. Or an amoeba. It’s important you recognise that 1 is the lowest possible value. If it were not, my first score would probably be 0.8, but the machine is programmed to show you a little more love than that, so I am 1.
Today’s test I scored... wait for it... another goddam 1.
But before you slit your wrists in sympathy, wait for the good news. Apparently, I am on the verge of 2. Do you know what this means?
Level Up!!
I want you.
I can’t wait.
