Freckles, Part 1.

The basic premise to this story has been lying dormant in my notebook for about a year now. Something finally fell into place and what follows all gushed out of me in the space of about an hour. I am going for a Paul Jennings vibe on this one. Since this is my first piece of creative writing that I'm publishing to my blog, I would love to hear your creative criticism and/or ideas about where the story may lead.
Thanks for reading! Josh

Freckles
It started innocently enough. It was 1987. I was nine years old and my best friend Cory was nine years old and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to two nine-year-old boys to tattoo each other with permanent marker.
I was watching Cory put the finishing touches on a wicked looking barbarian warrior on my forearm when it hit me. His face was scrunched up in concentration, his tongue clamped determinedly between his teeth. Not for the first time I noticed his hair, curly, slightly longer than the fashion of the day and bright, fiery red. It matched his Super Friends t-shirt brilliantly. He was also blessed, as were all redheaded folk, with a full complement of freckles.
I sought to join them.
“Hurry up,” I told Cory. “I’ve got an idea.”
“Almost... done,” Cory said, rocking back on his knees. He tossed me the black marker.
“I need your face.”
Cory’s eyes widened. “Whoa, hold on. I don’t-”
“Ah!” I held up a hand for silence. He knew the deal: we each took turns drawing whatever we wanted on whatever part of the other’s body we wanted. It was too late to back out now, especially having two turns ago drawn a big set of fairy wings on my back.
Now it was my turn to concentrate. Before putting pen to freckle I paused a moment to take in the contours of my friend’s face and the placement of freckles that would underpin my masterpiece.
As I gazed at Cory’s face (an dhe gazed out the window, embarrassed at this close scrutiny) the freckles resolved themselves into something more than a collection of brown dots on ruddy pink skin. I don’t know how else to explain it to you, but it was like they spoke to me. And, armed with this knowledge, I began.
I do not know for how long I worked on my best friend’s face with that marker. Cory, for his part, sat stoically and allowed me to work, making not a sound.
When I finished the marker dropped my trembling fingers. Sensing that something bigger than us was at work we both moved soundlessly to the bathroom.
Eyes fixated on the mirror, Cory’s fingers traced the lines on his cheeks, his forehead, his nose. The lines remained; being permanent marker, they would remain long after the half hour my mum spent scrubbing at Cory’s face when she discovered us. But for now it was just the two of us, alone with our work.
“Is this... what I think it is?” Cory asked. His voice was uncharacteristically breathy and I supposed his heart beat just as hard and fast as my own.
“Yep. That’s a map.”

END OF PART ONE.

An Assessment of Digital Comics

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, trying to figure out where I stand. I’m on a precipice; I’ve dabbled, but am I going to really invest in this? I’m going to work through what I’ve come up with, but any ideas that I’ve missed are welcome.

The PSPgo has had almost universally bad press since its largely unheralded release.
I bought one anyway.

And now that ridiculously ill-informed decision has paid dividends, in the form of digital comics. Digital comics, bitches! They’re like comics but they’re digital!

They cost less than actual comics, in some cases about 1/3 of the cost of buying them in a comic store. $10 for the real paper ones becomes $1.95-2.95 for the digital version, depending on the publisher. Marvel is the big fish in this digitally distributed pond, and that apparently justifies a $1 price hike. Having said that, I will happily pay $2.95 for an issue of Runaways, Iron Man or X-Men, but I will think twice about $1.95 for an unproven publisher or franchise.

I must admit though, DC’s absence is noticeable. Will they come on board? Hopefully they’re waiting to see how the whole thing pans out. Personally, I can’t see the problem. Everyone knows digital distribution is blowing up, and the comics are being commissioned to be created in paper form anyway. I would love to get my hands on some digital Green Lantern or Batman. Come on, DC!

What advantages are there, aside from the economic factors, to purchasing your comics digitally? I guess another obvious one would be the reduction of clutter. I still have several boxes in my garage, originally containing reams of paper, stuffed with comics. As well as that I have a large – maybe 30 litre – container half full of graphic novels. With a living space our size, we can’t really afford any more clutter. Similar to how I no longer need an entire wall for my CDs thanks to my iPod, you can now keep your copy paper boxes! Even in the context of digital space these things are small, usually between 20-50MB. Presumably environmentalists can do a little dance about the reduced paper usage as a result of fewer people buying paper issues and buying digital issues instead. Ideally, to facilitate this, publishers would have to simultaneously release digital and paper issues; otherwise it’s like releasing a movie digitally 4 years after the DVD has come out. The fans have long ago bought that DVD.

What really intrigue me about this new idea are the unique features of digital comics that paper comics cannot provide. It is obvious that a lot of consideration has gone into how to engineer the software so that it simulates the actual act of reading a comic. It is not enough to simply show a page at a time on the screen. The wording would be too small, and you can’t appreciate the fine detail of the art. So a bush of the button emulates the scanning process of the eye, sliding from one word balloon to another. It’s amazing how quickly your normal reading habits assert themselves, and how effortless the system becomes. This by no means perfect, and some publishers seem to have a better handle on it than others. One issue of Transformers actually skips some word balloons, making you go back and find them yourself.

A cool little feature that has been added on some issues is screen movement to simulate and enhance what’s happening in a panel, like shaking during a full-page explosion, for example. Note that splash pages do lose some of their effect in digital comics, because of the necessity to zoom out. Decompression, the stylistic use of repeating panels with minor changes and little dialogue, on the other hand, is vastly improved by the necessity to manually advance the story in digital comics.

When I downloaded IDW’s 'Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse', it came with a little bonus that I hadn’t expected: a writer/artist commentary on the making of the issue. There is huge potential here. It’s like a behind the scenes podcast with the benefit of being fully integrated with the content. Because there is no sound in a conventional comic, the integration is seamless. It is in fact possible to take in the issue for the first time while listening to the commentary, something that would be difficult and not at all enjoyable with a DVD movie and its commentary, by comparison. I would love to see more of these, especially by the bigger writers whom I really admire, like Warren Ellis, Mark Waid, Matt Fraction or Joss Whedon, although it is probably naive of me to assume they would have time for that sort of thing.

And, don’t forget it’s backlit, so you can read in the dark! There is something very exciting about this for me, similar to being a child with a torch under the blankets. And if you share your sleeping space with someone it means you can read and they can sleep. Then everyone’s happy!

There are some downsides to these new-fangled digital comics, of course. The most obvious I have already addressed in part, and that’s availability of titles. Obviously it’s not the same depth or volume you would expect at a real comics store. Nothing from DC, and Marvel seems to be throwing all the Iron Man and Avengers they can find at us. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the issues on offer. For instance, despite Joss Whedon being one of the ‘featured writers’ on the PSP comics store, the Runaways series ends at the issue before his run began. X-Men issues are available from 2000-2005, but nothing particularly recent. However, there are no sold-out runs when your product is digital, and presumably a high upper limit to how much can be made available on the network over time. In other words, publishers will keep adding content without removing the old stuff, eventually creating a massive stockpile of potential purchases.

Another area where I think a fresh perspective could be useful is in the rerelease of classic comics. It seems strange to me to ask customers to choose between a comic from the 2000s and a comic from the 1960s and pay the same price for both. Digitally, the first issue of Spider-man is not a collector’s item. They could be sold at a cheaper price, or say given as bonus issues to a customer who purchases a 6-issue run of modern Spider-man, for example.

The most obvious and devastating omission of digital comics is the smell of ink and paper, the richer the older the issue gets. It is evocative. It is a big part of comics as they were. But it does not create a complex, satisfying story and it does not even really add a lot to the art anymore, much of which is digitally inked, coloured and in some cases drawn nowadays.
I think writing this has made my position quite clear, actually. I am a comics fan, and digital distribution will allow me to get more comics for less money. The option to buy paper comics still remains, especially if a series I am keen on does not get released digitally. But only two months in, the situation definitely bears watching.
Look out, iTunes, you have some competition for my micro-transaction dollar! When I, you know, have some.

Gold Coast Honeymoon, Part 3.

The epic conclusion to the three part trilogy!
As in the last instalment, titles are hyper-linked to relevant websites.

White Water World – Theme park number 2. We decided to leave it at that, as Wet ‘n Wild and Movie World very similar to what we had the parks we had already visited, and we just ran out of time for Sea World. But we definitely went for it on this one. I think we rode every ride at least once. We started with the Green Room, which launches a donut tube down a thirty foot drop into a swirling funnel. Unlike at Dreamworld, the exhilaration of this ride just spurred us on to do the rest of the park! My favourite ride was the BRO. All you did was race against seven others, each of you on a foam mat, through a tunnel coming out on a long straight, where you inevitably got a face full of water. We did that one twice. There were some downsides that prevented this from being a 10/10 experience. As always, huge lines were an issue for most of the rides, and because the day was so hot and the experience necessitated bare feet, you would think designers would consider the need for a foot surface that doesn’t absorb sunlight and hence burn your feet to a crisp! But when your feet had had enough there was always the Cave of Waves or the Big Bucket (getting hit with 1000 litres of water is more fun than I had imagined, like taking all your showers for the year at once.) to give them a much-needed rest. 9/10

Sushi Train – Damn, I love sushi train! It’s pretty self-explanatory : there’s a little ‘train’ of sushi that comes around on a belt, like a luggage carousel. You just pick a plate that interests you and get stuck in. There’s something ever so satisfying about finishing a meal and having a stack of tiny plates before you. You can look back at those plates and reminisce, ‘oh yeah, that light blue one was the soft shell crab. Good times.’ It’s almost like a miniature tower of your gastronomic achievement. I found out that there is a Sushi Train in Auckland – the only one in New Zealand – and now my life is about finding reasons to go there and get sushi! I suggested to sushi that she could get ‘making sushi’ lessons in Japan and open her own Sushi Train one day (ostensibly so I would get free sushi). But apparently it takes years and years, plural. Not one year. Dumb. 9/10

Surf Ink Tattoo – I flew solo on this one, as Cush’s interest in tattoos is not as highly developed as mine, shall we say. The main thing I learnt in this experience was that there isn’t a lot of point going to a tattoo convention if you don’t intend to actually get tattooed. I would like to get some more tattoos someday soon, but I’m a big believer in preparation. I saw a very sensible gentleman getting words scarred into his back by a Norwegian man who is apparently very talented at this. I saw a man with horns like Satan and I wondered where he worked during the day. Does that count as cosmetic surgery? I noticed a lot of girls were dressed like they were pinup girls from the 1950s (but with all the tattoos making them look like some sort of biker gang). This seems to be part of the culture, but it was also interesting to see a booth selling ‘makeovers’ in this 50s style. Something a bit different. 5/10 (Probably would have been a lot higher had I got a tattoo)

Timezone – Surfers Paradise has the biggest Timezone in Australia. If you think that is quite odd for a tourist destination based around swimming and big fun outdoor theme parks, you are not alone. I felt the same way. But it turns out, when you’re put and about in Surfers Paradise, in the middle of the day staying inside Timezone can be a great idea. I got pwned by this little kid who followed me around in LaserStrike (didn’t help that I was wearing a white t-shirt that literally glowed in the U/V lights they use to illuminate the maze. Everything else was good fun, but I have to tell you about CircleDome! Delightfully named, as domes other than the circular variety are quite uncommon, CircleDome’s unfortunate moniker belies the ridiculous addictiveness of the machine itself. It’s pretty simple, you roll coin-shaped tokens through slots in the side of the machine onto a sweeping metal plate. As you fail (which you will. A lot) the coins build up at the end of the sweeping plate’s arc. Eventually you will get that one token in place that causes a whole bunch of other tokens to be swept off the side of the platform. That is called a win. There is some other stuff with numbers on an LED display and a jackpot function, but really all I needed was my tokens and my sweeper. That machine... damn. It got its hooks into both of us. One of those crafty devices that bridges the gap between gaming and gambling. It’s a small gap, only a ‘b’ and an ‘l’ away. 8/10

Circle Dome - You delicious temptress, you.

Harbourtown – This place had promo posters all over the place, proclaiming it the ‘shopping adventure of a lifetime’. I don’t know what they think constitutes a shopping ‘adventure’ but to me it conjures images of women flinging cell phones, throttling each another with designer scarves or driving stiletto heels into one another’s eyes in pursuit of elusive bargains. Which coincidentally would be more enjoyable than a trip to Harbour Town, voted by me world’s worst shopping mall 2010. I’m not proud to say it, but I threw a massive three-year-old-style tantrum after about 25 minutes at this place and made my wife take me back to the bus for the 30 minute ride back to Surfers Paradise. That’s right, it took us longer to get there than the amount of time we spent there. I hate you, Harbour Town. Disclaimer: it was my idea to go there, so I earned all the pain that came to me. 1/10 It gets a 1 only because it had an Asian grocery that sold Panda candy.

La Porchetta – For our last night in Broadbeach, I had only one request: I wanted some delicious Italian-style pizza. I have fond memories of it from my childhood, but they just don’t seem to make pizza the same way in New Zealand. It’s all about the ham. La Porchetta definitely brought the experience back to me. Mmmmm. Why can’t we have proper pizza in NZ? 7/10

Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary – Unfortunately this was one of those days where it was really just too hot to do anything. We trudged around the Wildlife Sanctuary, I think quite admirably, eschewing the miniature train. The weather also caused many animals to hide out, understandably. Disappointments in the hiding area were the Tasmanian Devil, the dingo and the platypus. I most enjoyed the reptiles (I don’t care how cuddly they’re not, just admit they’re fascinating.); the kangaroos, with their effortless cool – aren’t they just like the leather-jacket wearing James Dean of animals; and the echidna, getting into its mango in a big way. And of course the koala, who can make dropping a dozy poo look cute. They’re really more cute than any creature has a right to be. What is the purpose of being so cute? Is cuteness a useful, darwinianly-relevant survival trait? 8/10 Disclaimer: ‘darwinianly’ may or may not be an actual word.

This is a selection of the more exciting or noteworthy adventures we had on our honeymoon. These experiences create strong memories that we can look back on forever. But the best times, in my opinion, are the quiet times when it is just you and your partner and the world is about nothing else but the two of you. I jealously keep these to myself.
Josh

Gold Coast Honeymoon, Part 2.

The Adventures Continue...


Because I have a tendency to go on a bit (which I believe is a teacher thing) I will list the major activities we undertook, give them a rating out of 10 for awesomeness, then comment to the tune of one paragraph. We’ll see how that goes.
Note: Names in green are hyper-links to websites related to those attractions.

Koi – We arrived in Broadbeach about 7:00 on a Tuesday. Once we dropped our bags off in our room and headed out for dinner, it was amazing the amount of activity on the streets. By happy coincidence, we had booked accommodation in a venue that was fronted by a block of restaurants on both sides of the street. We chose Koi based on the age-old principle of ‘if a place looks busy, the food must be good.’ And we weren’t disappointed. More importantly though, our waiter was not only competent but quite hilarious, qualities that we would come to realise are sadly lacking in Gold Coast hospitality. It was a great start to our honeymoon. 8/10

Phoenician Apartments - Our accommodation was choice. For the location and the time of year, we got an incredible deal, saving about $2000 over the usual cost for the space we received. Located in Broadbeach, we found the atmosphere both peaceful and energising, not as grossly commercial as Surfers Paradise itself, but close enough for access. You’ll see from the other sections that it was well placed for us to get to locations like the Convention Centre, Dracula’s and Pacific Fair. 9/10

The view from our 8th storey apartment was amazing. You'd know that if our giant heads weren't in the way.

Dreamworld – I have been to Dreamworld once before, when I was about 10 years old. I was looking forward to going back and checking out some of the rides that I was too small or wussy to get on last time. To that end, The Claw was a poor first choice of ride. It looked deceptively gentle from the ground, but it turned out that when you were in it, upside down, with only the harness holding you in your seat it wasn’t so relaxing. The Claw decimated our collective matrimonial nerve to the point where we spent the rest of the day riding log flumes and such. Thumbs down go to the lunch we paid quite a lot of money to at ‘Fast Foods’. It was rubbish. But before leaving we spent far too much money in the candy shop. We left with like a shopping bag full of lollies. That made me feel better. :) 5/10

The Big prawn. Incidentally, Cush does love seafood this much. There are teethmarks in that thing.

Dracula’s – We were pretty ambitious, cramming Dreamworld and Dracula’s into a single day, and I distinctly remember being buggered by the end of it. But it was totally worth it. I was so captivated by the band, who warmed the audience up by turning rock songs - like Radiohead’s Creep, Ugly Kid Joe’s I Hate Everything about You and Metallica’s Enter Sandman - into jazz, that it wasn’t until the walk home that I realised the show as a whole had no story. We had such a good time I can’t hold it against them though. We laughed a lot, just a really good time. 9/10

Pacific Fair – We had a cruisy day after the previous Dreamworld/Dracula’s double team. After brunch we headed out on foot (we did this a lot, foolishly) for Pacific Fair. We’d seen its exterior across the road from Dracula’s and thought it bore further exploration. It turned out to be a city-sized mall. It was ridiculously huge. But we just wandered around and it was a good time. I managed to pick up some cheap books and even some birthday presents for some people back home, plus I got a used copy of Brutal Legend pretty cheaply, so that was a bonus. 8/10

Basketball – On a total impulse, we decided to attend a basketball game that night. The Gold Coast Blaze versus the Adelaide 36ers. It was the first live basketball game that Cushla had attended, and neither of us were sure how it would go. We needn’t have worried though, because Cush is nothing if not vocal, and she quickly got behind the 36ers, clapping cheering and also dispensing advice from time to time... The experience definitely made me wish I had been more active over the last 10 years in my own support of basketball. I remember being amazed at how popular basketball was when I was in Beijing, and I’m definitely hoping the same holds true if (when) we get to Japan. P.S The 36ers won. Probably because of Cush. 10/10 I married a sports fan. Woohoo!

Infinity – Infinity does a great job of hyping itself, but not such a good job on delivering the goods. It's touted as a glimpse into the future. Well if the future requires everyone to wear white napkin slipper things and walk through mirror mazes full of blinded laser lights, count me out. Cryogenically freeze me until we graduate past that and become more like the Jetsons. (Didn't see them wearing napkin slippers...) We paid about $50 for the pair of us, and that provided approximately 20 minutes of walking through unusual rooms. Granted, you can walk as quickly or slowly as you wish, thereby providing value for money. But, honestly, I was over it. It was less trippy than the Yayoi Kusama exhibit I saw in Wellington a few months back. The first few rooms were pretty cool, but I think the designer/engineer/whoever-comes-up-with-these-ideas-man ran out of steam after the fifth ‘mind-blowing concept’. 3/10

Okay, that's it for now. I'm gonna have to go three-parter on this one! Back soon.

Gold Coast Honeymoon, Part 1

Give me my honeymoon, now!

I have determined, through absolutely no rigorous research whatsoever, that many couples determine a honeymoon to be an indulgence, a good way to trim the burgeoning costs of weddings in this day and age. And I can understand that line of thought. After all, as New Zealanders we are supposedly a ‘nation of travellers’ who flit off to Whereversbekistan at a moment’s notice. Why should a honeymoon even be necessary?

I’m here to tell you it is necessary. Very necessary.

The final days leading up to the wedding were some of the most pressure-intense that I have experienced in my life thus far. Being away from home, often separated from each other while we ran around doing jobs or seeing to visitors was gruelling, all the while dealing with the constant thought that you would, very shortly, be engaged in an event of monumental import, where everything must be just so. Thank goodness, my wife-to-be did not go bridezilla on me or I may have snapped. In truth, she is the most laid back bride-to-be I can imagine, which in part explains why I was so flabbergasted by the amount of stress we both felt over the whole thing. It seems like a great test of your commitment to one another. In a way, I can understand why some brides or grooms just gap on the big day, don’t show up at all. I don’t believe it’s a case of whether you love your partner or not as much as a case of whether you can handle the pressure leading up to it. Without murdering anybody.

So I felt a distinct feeling of liberation when we boarded a plane to disappear for some much-needed time together. We left three days after the wedding, enough time to catch up with everybody who stuck around after the wedding and take care of the business end of things – returning suits, getting people to the airport, and dishing out goldfish (not as weird as it sounds).

I intend to spend the weekend putting my New Zealand life back together and hanging out with my wife, then I’ll tell you all about it.

Music to Wait to

Music was my major contribution to my recent wedding.
We didn't have a lot of cash, so opted instead to load up my iPod with tunes and run things ourselves. I created 4 playlists for use at varying times throughout the day.
I got a lot of nice compliments on the big day from guests of all ages who really liked the music that I compiled for those times when nothing much is happening (before the service, during the meet and greet, while the bride and groom are off at photos, while eating) despite not having heard most of it before. I am always impressed by people who take new music at face value and appreciate it. To that end, I'm publishing my playlist so those interested parties can check some or all of the songs out.
This is the order they played in on the day, although I had intended it to be random originally. It should also be noted that we did not necessarily play all of these songs at the wedding. Enjoy!

Song Title Artist Album I sourced track from

Wings Live Songs from Black Mountain
Home Great Northern Trading Twilight for Daylight
How Sweet It Is Michael Bublé It's Time
Come Home OneRepublic Dreaming Out Loud
Worrisome Heart Melody Gardot Worrisome Heart
1, 2, 3, 4 Plain White T's Big Bad World
Golden Love Midnight Youth Golden Love - Single
Half of My Heart (with Taylor Swift) John Mayer Battle Studies
Songs of Love (E.P. Version) Ben Folds Sunny 16 - EP
Easy Faith No More Angel Dust
Running On Faith Eric Clapton Unplugged
Deep Inside of You Third Eye Blind Blue
Let It Be The Beatles 1s
When She Loves You Emerson Hart Cigarettes And Gasoline
Chasing Pirates Norah Jones The Fall
Long Night The Corrs Borrowed Heaven
Helplessly Hoping Taxiride Imaginate
You're My Best Friend Queen Greatest Hits I
Heaven Martin Winch Guitar Song
Feeling Good Michael Bublé It's Time
Feeling A Moment Feeder Pushing the Senses
Walking After You Foo Fighters Skin and Bones
Amber 311 From Chaos
Listening For The Weather Bic Runga Emotions 0.2
No One Is to Blame Emile Millar Stay Here
Watch Over You (Feat Cristina Scabbia) Alter Bridge Watch Over You - Single
Fingerprints (With Silence) Katy Perry One of the Boys
Be Here To Love Me Norah Jones Feels Like Home
Calling All Friends The Low Stars Low Stars
Mad About You Hooverphonic The Magnificent Tree
Time Is The Enemy Quantic Private Lounge, Vol. 3 Disc 1
Lovers In Japan/Reign Of Love Coldplay Viva la Vida
Somebody For Someone The Corrs In Blue
Aqueous Transmission Incubus Morning View
Fire Escape Fastball All the Pain Money Can Buy
Just The Way I'm Feeling Feeder Comfort In Sound
Let It Grow Eric Clapton The Cream Of Clapton
Tumble And Fall Feeder Pushing The Senses
Ain't It The Life Foo Fighters There Is Nothing Left to Lose
Warning Great Northern Remind Me Where the Light Is
Roll On The Little Willies The Little Willies
Counting Down The Days Taxiride Imaginate
So Lonely The Superjesus Rock Music
Undisclosed Desires Muse The Resistance
Haunt You Every Day Weezer Make Believe
Still Fighting It Ben Folds Rockin' The Suburbs
Wild World Cat Stevens Tea For The Tillerman
I Could Die For You Red Hot Chili Peppers By The Way
Private Emotion (Feat. Meja) Ricky Martin Ricky Martin
Saved The Spill Canvas Saved - Single
Blinded (When I See You) Third Eye Blind Third Eye Blind: A Collection
I Remember Stabbing Westward Stabbing Westward
Pretend I Don't Exist Melody Gardot My One and Only Thrill
Fun for Me Moloko Do You Like My Tight Sweater?
Meet Me Halfway Black Eyed Peas The E.N.D.
Turn It Around The Black Seeds On the Sun
Turn It Up Opensouls Kaleidoscope
Love Your Ways Salmonella Dub Inside the Dub Plates
Epiphany Staind Break The Cycle
Part of Me Stellar Mix
I Do Gin Wigmore Holy Smoke
Fall To Rescue The Superjesus Jet Age
Tripper Red Taxiride Axiomatic
Ring Around Her Finger Tonic Head On Straight
She's All I Ever Had Ricky Martin Ricky Martin
One Day Opshop Second Hand Planet
Love a Diamond Tonic Sugar
Can't Get Away Third Eye Blind Out Of The Vein
Africa Toto IV
With Or Without You U2 The Joshua Tree
The Underdogs Weezer Raditude (Deluxe Version)
Glycerine Bush Sixteen Stone
Love's Theme Barry White The Ultimate Collection
We Haven't Turned Around Gomez Lazy Sunday
Ketto Bonobo Days To Come



I want to thank my very good friend Megan for running the iPod while I was otherwise engaged. You did a wicked job, Meegs! What a champ.

The Story of the Ring in the Pants

So I got married on Saturday. YUSS!!!
Part of the ceremony was composed of our celebrant retelling the story of how Cush and I got engaged. As it was slightly 'modified' for impact during the service I wanted to post my original version of the story here in order to preserve continuity when they finally make a serialised manga comic of my life.

It started with a lie. I told Cushla that I had to go to town to get some DVDs from Dick Smith. That wasn't the lie; I did have to get some DVDs, for school. But I forgot to do this, because the real reason I had to go to town was to buy the ring that we had seen the day before.
I took that ring to my flatmates and said, 'how am I going to get this ring to Fiji without Cushla knowing so that it's a surprise when I propose?'
Many ideas were kicked around. Most horrible: swallow it. Most practical: bury it within your socks. But the best idea, based on the fact that I chose to do it, was to have my flatmate Amy sew the ring into my pants pocket. That way I could have it with me (I was terrified of stowing it in my bag in case our luggage got lost) and just pop my hand into my pocket every now and then to feel it was still there. In the end, I actually did put it in my suitcase. I decided that, if Cushla and I were meant to be married then nothing would happen to my case. And nothing did.
But I still changed into those pants as soon as we were in our bure.
The plan that had been discussed between myself and chief co-conspirator Amy was that I would ask someone at the resort for some scissors to remove the stitching around the ring upon arrival. This seemed like a lot of hard work for something that could yield similar results by just yanking real hard. It did put a bit of a hole in my pocket, but that's why I chose old pants!
Now I had the ring, and I had the girl I wanted to give it to, but I had no plan as such for the proposal. I tend to react instinctively to these sorts of things and make it up as I go along, which is partially why my wedding speech will make no sense.
But inspiration was forthcoming. Our room contained a little electronic safe. After reading the instructions and confirming sixteen times with different sized objects that I could open, lock and then re-open the door, I was ready. I stashed the ring inside and waited, like a shark waits for one of those people who dangle their legs over the side of the surfboard.
I took several minutes of terrible waiting before I could convince Cushla to open the safe by assuring her that it really was the best place to keep her passport.
As the safe door swung open I took a knee. Then, as Cushla looked in the safe, I wondered whether she would actually see the ring at all. You see, it was couched in a pile of odds and ends and if I am as sneaky as I like to think I am, she had no reason to believe there would be an engagement ring in the safe. Just as I was about to stand up again and say something witty like 'um', she turned around, holding the ring.

And the rest is very recent history.


Josh
It doesn't get better than this.